[VENT] Incompetent

Everything I do feels like it's not enough like everyone steps past me at the things I'm the most proud of. Maybe I don't work hard enough, because every time I look at another person they've spent they're whole life doing interesting hobbies and exciting things that they dedicate weeks or years to and they've been doing this since they were a kid and I've got nothing even close. I've always loved programming, but only on-and-off, I can never motivate myself to do it enough or anything adjacent and whenever I think I'm interested in something new and exciting I can barely work on it for a week before I have no motivation left at all. It's better and worse for different things and sometimes I can force myself to be motivated and I try to do so because I know I like and enjoy it but my mind won't agree with me. It feels like a status thing, even though it shouldn't. Like everyone's superior to me because of all the things they do that I don't.

And even when I do well at that it's like I'm too stupid to do it well, because even when I enjoy it by myself whenever I talk to other people it all falls apart and I realize I know nothing or that all the ideas I've formulated are wrong or misinformed or that

And I know I shouldn't compare myself to anyone else like that and that if I can be happy on my own, when I can even do that it should be enough but it doesn't feel like enough, when everything I value about the things I do feels useless in the face of everyone else.

And what if I'm just born like this? If I'm just destined never to do anything valuable with my life because I'm not good enough?

So, what can I do? I think I can start by talking to people about my hobbies more, and getting their advice and opinions on my ideas. I'm sure I'm blowing some of this out of proportion too, and things aren't nearly as bad as my had is making them, and talking to people more would probably help with that. I've always approached hobbies from a more solitary perspective, and never really involved myself in communities surrounding them as much until recently. I should do that more. I wish I could think of a good solution for the motivation part, too.